I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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