Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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