There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
