It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
