I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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