I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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