Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
