period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
