Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
