I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
