I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
