Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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