you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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