so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
