Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
