If i come over, it means nothing
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
