I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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