That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
