My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
