addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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