I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
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So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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