Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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