Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off