That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person