New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.