Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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