About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
