I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
