So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize