Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
