I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
