9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
