I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize