I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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