He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
