She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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