I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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