I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
