you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
