I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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