3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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