if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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