Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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