Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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