No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
