so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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