Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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