who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
