I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were destined to go to rehab together
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize