If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
