Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
