i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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