do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
