you guys were way drunker than both of me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
