i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
