So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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