you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
