I wanna bring you to show and tell
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
