margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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