I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
