i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
