O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
