I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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