That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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