If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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