i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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