dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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