I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
