ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
