so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
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If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You made out with two different species that night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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