By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
